Girl Who Sold The World

I believe there’s not an infinite amount of setbacks one can handle in life. I’ve watched people over the years fighting and conquering, losing and giving-up but somehow I feel like I haven’t learned much from it. I’ve always found comfort in misery, it’s like a dark, empty but a very private home for me to step into. It allows you to be selfish, fully focused on just you and nothing else. For a person with attention deficit issues, I guess it’s extremely important to be focused on at least something. Thus I still catch myself defining the true me through to the version that’s wearing broken-heart-shaped glasses.

But when does it all become too harmful? They say you should push the envelope, but how far. How far until you’re not you anymore? If you’re intoxicated, are you still you, just in a different state? If you’re in psychosis, how is that different from being the intoxicated version of you? If a rat loses its tail, is it still a rat? What if it loses its ears, heart and a thyroid gland? How much you can give away in order to gain something? I always thought I could rationalize myself out of anything but it turns out that it was just false hope. And now I have to live under the crushing realization that I’m not maybe me anymore.

Sometimes some things get broken and cannot be fixed. Sometimes it’s you and only you, who with one heartless decision, broke those things. Sometimes all you can do is to take a deep inhale of the world through a filter, and in those brief few seconds, feel free as a bird in all your anger.

Here comes my darling,
saying hello you
Hey why you look so worried,
whats so wrong with you
I felt something evil,
lying in my room
it makes me really scared,
don’t you feel it too

You said you saw shooting,
on a market square
since when I have been dull,
to see blood in everywhere

I know, it don’t really matter
does it really matter,
if we go insane, my darling
Do we always stick together
does it really matter,
if we go insane, my darling

22 Pistepirkko - Birdy