House of Cards

Do you find me sadistic?
I'd like to believe that you're aware enough even now to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions.
No kiddo, at this moment, this is me at my most masochistic.
- Bill @ Kill Bill 1&2

It's done. Before there has been a great absence of dignity in my break ups but now I really tried to do this the best I can. If nothing else, I can tell myself I have managed to grow during these years even if I wouldn't have noticed it myself before.

I know the endless sorrow of losing someone is not going to ease up anytime soon. But the weight I've been carrying has been lifted off my shoulders and for that I know I did the right thing.  I knew that  you can't build a house of straws, branches or cards and delaying this would have ended up me becoming a bitter old woman. Even the image of that makes me shiver.

I believe that after the ugly grey years he left me with, this relationship was exactly what I needed at this point of my life. I'm terrified that I'll lose the lightness and easyness that took me so long to find and end up in a downward spiral once again. Only time can tell if I'll become a roadkill or a better version of myself. And time is equally merciless and unforgiving towards everyone.

In a big, big way
I am really small
I get off my feet
but I'm still distant
Don't you just love goodbyes?

Most of our lives we try so hard
to find the time
I won't care for you
like I'm really supposed to
There are things I'll do
that could really hurt you
Don't you just love goodbyes?

Mew - 156